Its Friday today, not Furahiday.

Its Friday, yet again, and yes, Im glad that its the end of the week, giving way to what is meant to be a lovely weekend, but seeing as the weather is a threat to all-things-good, *shrug* its just, you know, one of those days!!

The people who amuse me are these niggaz (pardon my language) who are giving us the whole "furahiday vibe" on our homepages, telling us how they will party all night...Unless ya'll are rainmakers, you need to get a life!!! Know the season, I mean...tebu look outside!! If anything, clubs should be closed and people should buy beers from the supermarkets and down them in their houses...let the little rugrats know what you are up to every Friday night, and then cuddle with wifey on the sofa and watch some political talk show!!! Elections are on the way people, be informed. :)

Anyway, Im having back pains, so I wont babble as much today. The week has been hectic, so like a normal person, I will REST!

The quote of the day is by one Aldo Leopold, and he said, " There can be no doubt that a society rooted in the soil is more stable than one rooted in pavements"

Goodnight Kenyans!!

Madame

ok....sasa nianze wapi...

You know, just as I was about to start writing this post, something weird happened to me...well, not necessarily weird, just that it has never happened to me before!!! Aki bag ya CD's zangu imeanguka vibaya, then most of those movies fell out :(:( Now, most of you would think Im a complete drama queen for making a big deal out of it, but hey, dont judge until you've walked in my shoes. Those who have been to my house know that if I wanted to start a movie business today, I would be a raging success...ni nyingi tu sana....so, that ka_bag falling was A REALLY BIG DEAL!!!!!!!

Anyway, onto other matters. Si leo nilienda Kikuyu....you know, back to the land that made me a woman....ahem ahem (for my international readers*uh-huh....yea I have those :P* I swear, I don't mean where I was initiated...Ngugi misled all of ya'll) I mean, AGHS!!
Well, it hasn't changed much, only that there are a dozen new buildings that I felt tooo busy to go and stare at. First person I met was who?? Ex- class teacher dubbed hot-and-mean guy(and before you cringe, I did not come up with that....save me the drama :) ) So, as usual, im the biggest mouth in the room...I poured all my vibe. Ok...so when Im done, in a weird little way, he brings up this story of how he met an ex-classmate of mine at the stage hapo GPO then she was sijui 'chokozwad' by a tout!!! Then as if his pharynx had no control, he utters in what was intended to be a fatherly voice, "You are no longer just students, you are now young women of the society. Trust men to notice" I mean, WWWWWWTTTTTFFFFFF!!!!?????

Yaani  si I felt like chucking for him my recently acquired ID nimwambie, nimeishi maisha sana sana.....na labda calender!!! I mean, its 2012, I BLOODY KNOW!! plus, I've gone through it like half a gazzilion times, Have you seen me??? *jeez!!* Wangekuwa wanapea form ones hizo talks, instead of those things that wasted the entire closing week!!!!nkt

I stiffled a laugh. That was it!

Highlight of my day: ok, so there is this teacher from school who was as scary(not scary-looking, just scary) as idk what. She never used to allow ANYONE to skive swimming, and you know mamaz with their excuses ati,"its my time of the month"....heh!! she had a chart. SHE KNEW when it was your time * That isn't even half of it*. Anywho, si I met her today hapo admin block. Wacha she starts indulging me in conversations :):) sasa, what made me just toooo happy, is when she asked me," so, what are you doing with your singing?? I remember every piece you touched wowed us"

AHAHAHAHAHAHA....I mean, Kai.Sweet Jesus!!!! my heart furadd like a hot air balloon...I mean, madame, my singing, ahaha...Najua nilifanyia Burns House vizuri in my time, seeing as I was the only music student,na hizo certs zote za ujinga mob....sijui conducting a choir, and a horrid alto solo.... lakini mama!!! hahah....My voice is only pleasant in the shower, and probably only to that man who will want to betroth me!!:)eh...lakini....si mbaya sana...but I swear, Im no Mariah Carey!!

You can never imagine what I mustered..."eeeh, well, I believe it will find its place after I find my footing on campus" ahaha....mark you, it had never crossed my mind!! hata choir ningejoin ningefanya events organizing or some bull like that!!!!Kuimba nayo nilisahau!!LOOOL
 
 Ujinga tu....up to this point. Now, I'll touch on heavier matters, heavier than myself at least.

Now, Im sure most of you have heard about the Hells Gate tragedy. So, I was reading the paper and came across the sad story of Ernest Gichuru, and I promised I would commit him in prayer tonight, because he surely needs it. He had paid for the trip, but that day, his work place refused to release him. So, instead of letting his money go to waste, he gave his brother Mwaniki his slot. His brother is now lying in a morgue. I mean, that has got to be the worst thing that could happen to anyone. Knowing that a loved one died in your stead.
RIP Mwaniki, but much prayer and support is needed for Gichuru. I do hope those around him will act as required of them.

Men are dogs. Im still being my usual self...Im from watching the news....In Bombolulu, Mombasa, a four...FOUR year old girl was raped by three men as she was looking for firewood!!! I mean, hata hana boobs!!! SHAME ON YOU!! Now, that girls life is on a downward spiral!!

Thats all for today.
xx

26th April

hii ni ya kesho...I know I might forget na wengine hapa wataninyonga nisipo post quote a day after I made my lovely ka_promise!!

So, for all of ya'll who would rather have my head than read my literature(hihi....sounding like such a high school teacher)...before you cut my phalanges off...ndio hii quote ya kesho....

Na please, msicopy hii idea yangu...Im an avid reader of all your blogs, if anything, nyinyi ndio mmeniencourage niandike tena....so, my blog, my quote!!!. Beware: I. will. BEAT. you mkijaribu vituko.
but dont worry, we are all friends, and you take me as I am, even with all my bullshit-drama-bullshit!! ex and ohs!!

"now I see the secret of the making of the best persons; it is to grow in the open air and eat and sleep with the earth."                                                                     -Walt Whitman-

#and for the lovers/loved ones in the hizzauz...(in that Ka_Nameless voice)


"Loving is the most CREATIVE force in the universe; the memory of loving,the most destructive"   -Anonymous-


:P:P

Chien Kiyany’

In the Bible, it is written, ‘The truth shall set you free.’ Of all the things in the world, the truth?? Not determination, empathy, wit…not even love. And that is the most shocking of them all. Love cannot set you free. Love cannot tame the savage beast. Then, is love vanity?? Is it a pointless emotion that the wise can do without?  Wisdom is the strategic application of knowledge. My knowledge tells me that love is not that fairytale I imagined when I was a child. It is tough, it is hard, it is cold, not to mention bloody…ask Larry King, he was married 8 times. You don’t even need him to confirm that for you…I’ve been there. I have had my fair share of sour romance. But that’s just it, it’s in the past.

But why do I put myself through it? Is it because sometimes, that feeling I get when everything is so good, is worth all the pain?? Or maybe because that happiness I seem to be searching for is somewhere out there, or already with me, I just need to work on it to get a better outcome? Perfect example: Kate Middleton and Prince William…theirs was not always a walk in the park. It took a few breakups to realize that pride had to be swallowed to achieve unfathomable bliss.

When it comes to love, I was the teenage shrink. Mganga hajigangi…my own love life was as tattered as Bonokode’s(???!!!!) Shirt. Again I say, that is all in the past. The title of this post is “Chien Kiyany’ ”…a Luo proverb which means, the past is never despised. I embrace my past, with its faults and drudgery, it is mine. In it, I have lived what half my peers have. But my future awaits…

 I convinced myself that I had to live my life in a certain way in order to be perceived in the way I desired. I chose to correct myself today. I guess it took one bad turn to jolt me back to humanity. William Shakespeare said it all for me, ‘men are men, the best sometimes forget.’ So, I’ve drawn for myself a mini-contract. Something to live by. Terms and conditions apply :P

If you get hurt, get up.

If someone close to you passes away, grieve as much as you can, and be not ashamed of your pain.

If you fall in love, show it.

If he hurts you, forgive him and move on (only if its worth it)

Cry if you have to because eventually, things will look up.

 Look around, very few people end up with the guy they dated when they were 18. Statistics can however be defied J depending…

Think of it this way, you get hurt just to get back up…and you get back up, to try again and get it right!!

So, as much as love doesn’t have the power to set free…it has the power to put a smile on my face. And that is the truth…

So, I guess I’m free anyway… :):)

Ps: new ritual…I’ll post a quote everyday, even if its just the quote….ok…every other day:-) Most of which will be regarding the environment…my way of giving back to society, since Im no Clooney…yet!!

‘We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors; we borrow it from our children’ –Native African Proverb-

###

And this is the beauty of a blog...its like talking to a crowd that doesn't know who you are, care what you have done in the past...just what you have to say.

Its even sweeter when you just write,and feel the satisfaction of voicing your thoughts rather than locking them up inside and dying a freak. who needs a shrink when you can blog??

In other news, i'm dead scared,dreading tomorrow, for in the hands of my doctor, lies my entire future... its like waiting for circumcision... I can almost foresee the pain. My optimism escapes me at such moments. Sadly, today, the place that I house all my fears, the person who wins top prize for my confidante, is the most distant of all my friends. He isn't mine any more,and that is the sad truth.

I quote a true friend...'we win some,and we lose others'...

I'm hoping I won't lose myself.

MARQUEE

So, I sat down today after barely getting any sleep yesterday night, and thought of my life from a whole new perspective.

When we were little, my elder sister and I played a game with cards. We would try and pile them up in a manner as to create a miniature figure of the Eiffel tower which my father had put up a picture of in our room. Every time we got close to completing our little project, the ‘tower’ fell…crushing our tiny hearts. We tried it with a little more tact…we built one layer, and took a photo of each as evidence of our grit. We made it to the top a few times, but nothing ever really lasted long enough to show dad when he came back home in the evening. Our only evidence being our photos, which at the time were not even instant.

My point? My life is exactly the same. Once I get control of a certain area, another phase comes tumbling to the ground. I gather up that part, another escapes me. It’s like playing with many balloons; you can never quite get them all at the same time, unless they were to deflate.

 Who wants a deflated balloon anyway? 

THE FUCK IS SORRY!!

Sorry. What is sorry? Everyone keeps saying that word, as if it is supposed to bring some sort of divine healing, make me feel as if the angels are watching over me…and the more it is said, the more it agitates my soul.

Sorry –what a weak word, what a stupid word! It won’t cure me; it won’t make me any happier than the minute before. Someone takes a fall to the ground and we say sorry. It does not pick them up, let alone lessen the pain that their knee caps are experiencing. The incessant way in which we use this word is worse than an addict’s enslavement to his drug.

Sorry does not strengthen me, or quell the fire in my insides. The sound of their voices flow over me like waves, I am not listening to the words, I am numbed by the horror of my experience. It is an unending nightmare.

I began 2012 filled with eager hope, thinking that it was perhaps, a new beginning, a door to a new life. It doesn’t really matter now? Nothing is new, nothing has transformed.

All the misery that has been pent up inside me is breaking, erupting in a torrent…flowing relentlessly, like a river in flood.

Another good-hearted person comes along with a ‘sorry’ running out of their mouths. Using my uncanny ability to pretend, I smile and take it in.

I am losing my patience.......


'sorry is a what YOU SAY WHEN YOUR BOWL OF CEREALS HAS FALLEN NOT YOUR HEART...its high time we get a new word for this..how about move the hell on...no looking back?'


this caption has been added by a person who shares my sentiment on the matter only in a different regard. we were hurt in different ways.
halla!!!!

REPRIEVE

So, I’m the 18 year old weirdo… Not your average teen: sitting around after a two hour class, enchanting my mates with tales of my encounters with boys or female gossip. Going for lunch in the afternoons at the latest joints, and giggling my free time away.

Instead, I am a grey- haired doctor’s patient, seated in the wards, with women twice my age. It isn’t my first time, and I shouldn’t be that shaken, but instead I am twice shy. Scared out of my skin. I keep telling myself that I know what to expect, but do I really?

Every experience has its perks, and as much as I am praying that it is my second and last time to have my chest torn apart, I am uncertain of the future.

I sit on my bed; outward invincible, inward destroyed. I guess we really don’t choose the when, where and the how… we only savor the liberty of selecting the who. I am me; no one else can be me. No one else can endure my pain.

The story that is my life.

SUICIDE THE NEW IN?

How is it that most of the Kenyan youths are resorting to suicide as a way of letting go of their problems? It saddens me that even the government has not addressed the issue, leaving daring citizens such as myself to speak about it.

Clearly,there are so many things troubling these young minds,university and high school students alike.Tthe most recent story is that of a Strathmore university student who took his life yesterday night.(13/01/2012) The reason as to his death is still unknown. Another story that made headlines is that of a student from a very respected high school in Kenya,who took her life claiming that she was dissatisfied with the school as a whole and that she had no friends within the school...
Now, I do have respect for the departed,however, I must question her judgement .All of us who underwent the 8-4-4 system know that we had to first settle in together and let our guards down in order to find people of whom we share even the slightest thing,who we would then interact with.It was like the so called 'love', you give in order to receive...If it was anyone's fault that she did not have friends, she would take the Grammy!!

Now,that is already gone,it is nothing but spilt milk...what we can do is salvage the rest of our Kenyan youths before this dangerous perception-that death is the cure to all pain- is too vast for us to contain. I would say that guidance and counseling would save us in this institutions,but these schools already have this,and the fact that incidents like these are even taking place indicates their failure...we need another savior,and until we find it,we are a nation at risk of moral suicide!!

Regret

Every fibre in my being misses someone,and there is no possible way as to tell him that. Nothing can be more frustrating. I just wish that some bright ass nerd would devise a gadget that would enable people to communicate solely by emotions of the heart...no words, nothing else other than what either person feels.

Still, I miss him